Husbands Can Give You Stress

7:51 pm

What Gets Your Man Excited?

I’m not talking about thong underwear! Maury, my laconic golf-obsessed, History Channel watching husband floats through his days without ever raising his voice or getting upset. Except if he’s talking about companies sullying our environment, which he’s passionate about, politicians he doesn’t agree with, and personal injury attorneys. Today he stormed into my office where I am attempting to blog discreetly because he has no idea I’m sharing our personal life online. I have found sharing with all of you and reading your comments makes my stress level go down to a six on a scale of 10. I usually hover around 8. He waved a newspaper at me and ranted about new Scottsdale residents who are stressing our environment. “Did you know the U.S. is the #1 trash producing country in the world? Each person makes 1600 pounds per year! And these people are adding to the carbon footprint!” I took the paper from him to see what got my lethargic spouse so provoked. Raised voices give me a headache and can push me toward a 9 on the Stress-O-Meter.

“Top Home Sales in Scottsdale”

In a column with a picture of a mansion decorated with faux stone on the front and Greek columns (they fit into our desert landscaping so well) was a list of recent purchases. One couple purchased a 3.5 million dollar home with more than 6,000-square-feet in the Desert Highlands Golf Club for cash. Who has that kind of money lying around? A trial attorney! Maury says there’s a special place in hell for attorneys. Now I won’t give you his name because he could come after me and then Maury would really be pissed because we’d have to use our life savings to hire another attorney to defend me. What do two people do in all those square feet? Does thong underwear help?

And There’s More!

The next couple purchased a 7,600-square-foot home in Paradise Valley Country Club, Scottsdale‘s neighboring city for almost three million in cold hard cash. That one has Venetian finishes, handcrafted cabinets and a lazy-river pool and spa and gazebo with swim-up bar. Guess what he does? Personal injury attorney! And I’d love to know what a lazy-river pool is!
Now Maury’s not a socialist but he sees things from an environmental point of view.”Do they really need 61/2 bathrooms?” he asks me. “If you have to go in that many places then you have a medical problem. See a doctor.” And don’t say you’re an attorney.

2 Responses to “Husbands Can Give You Stress”

  1. Yo, Yenta! Says:

    My husband gives me stress! But then he massages my feet so I guess it all balances out…

  2. Angela Damien Says:

    Yo Yenta,
    Foot massages are GREAT!
    Loved your idea about the bath the other day… I am taking one in a few minutes to relieve stress in the middle of the day… mixed some aloe juice, minerals, flax seed and even lighting some incense… great idea, thanks for sharing!

    So Jean… what’s up with you today?

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