The News Gives Me Stress

7:00 am

My Daily Dip of News

I am the last person reading the newspaper

I read our daily paper every day. I’m the only one in our Scottsdale neighborhood who has it sitting in their driveway every morning. It has diminished to such a shrunken size you’d need three to line a bird cage.  And only a parakeet’s at that. Not an African Grey like my neighbor’s that shrieks when I open my garage door. I don’t even understand why people want to keep a flying animal locked up. Especially one that can’t even lick you. On Sundays I buy the New York Times at Starbucks for Maury, my information-obsessed husband. It takes a week to get through it and then I have anxiety because of the Broadway shows I’ll never see or the great art exhibits that are happening without me. I digest current events so I can keep up intellectually and hold my ground on the issues. Maury and I don’t agree on everything. He’s a do-gooder leftist progressive and I’m a cynic. He thinks Pakistan will give up its nuclear weapons and I think we should build a shelter in the backyard. But the thought of being locked up in a confined space with my family, especially my mother who would have 24-hour nudging access, makes me think I’d crawl out and offer myself to the coyotes.

The Bizarre News

I read the headlines on the front section first and then I go to the inside page for stories that are not big enough to be a major news story but some off-balanced editor says, “Hey, this looks interesting, The quacks will love it!” That’s how I find out about killer spiders in South America or a Kansas legislator who’s produced a “RedNeck Rap” about our President. My favorite today is the funeral home that flashes the dead person’s name and picture on an electronic billboard for 8 seconds. In America everyone wants their name in lights. If my portrait were up there my mother and kids would both criticize what I was wearing…and for different reasons.

The News Gives Me Insomnia

Sometimes there’s a terrible story and I can’t sleep. It rolls around in my mind repeating itself like one of my parents’ conversations that dealt with a slight from a family member. Hash and Re-Hash would go over it like a Valley girl with a wad of gum. My biggest concern about not getting enough sleep is my thighs. Scientists say if you’re only getting 4 hours of sleep a night, you increase your chance of obesity by 73%. That gives me stress.

One Response to “The News Gives Me Stress”

  1. Angela Damien Says:


    I am so glad I stopped by today. I think I have that sleep problem. I had been reading something about it and now I know… Not sleeping makes you fat! That IS stress.

    As far at the news, I like to read the movie reviews. Yesterday, I went to a movie with my husband…. I like to let him pick sometimes just so I don’t stress him out ALL the time. We went to the new Jamie Fox movie… Law Abiding Citizen… OMG.. the first 5 minutes was horrible violence then it continued throughout the movie. (Bizarre News, like the dead people flashing in lights on the funeral home you wrote about) BUT the good news was there was the most important social message about the judicial system. The violence caused lots of STRESS so the big question is… does the stress of the violence out weigh the social message? Maybe the news will answer that question. I’ll go read some reviews online as I don’t get any paper at my front door, trying to “Go Green”
    Glad I don’t have any birds that need their cage lined!

    You are too funny! Thanks for starting my day with some laughs!

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