Scottsdale Women Prepare to Riot

There’s a proposal to add a 5% tax to breast implants, tummy tucks and wrinkle injections in Washington.  The “botax” has plastic surgeons, a major industry in sunny Scottsdale, and the women and men they service, ready to storm Washington. A tax to relax wrinkles?  Make boobies bigger? Pick up some sagging skin? How dare they?! Will massages at spas be next? Horrors! Botox, an injection that freezes your nerves, has turned many a Scottsdale socialite’s face into a permanent surprise. What will happen to the 4.7 million injections at $400 a pop last year? Will it raise the price? Will smiles go saggy? People might look like themselves!

Rats Are Everywhere…Even in Scottsdale!

They’re baaack! Those disgusting, gnawing creepy footed roof rats! Why? Because the seasonal oranges are almost ripe. These are  Scottsdale rats so they’re fussy. They don’t eat grapefruits or lemons. Just oranges. They’re quite generous too. They leave behind the pimply skin with the meat all gone and fat rat teeth marks. I check the patio every morning to see if they left me a present. If I don’t go out and pick them up then Amber will eat the gross leftovers. And later, Maury may kiss her on the lips. Come on! We’re not the only people who kiss their pets!

Worse, Sue Stenhouse, a Rhode Island legislator had  a rat run across her office floor. She shot rubber bands at it and sprayed it with perfume. Sue, you need Maury, the rat killer equipped with cages and cheese.

Are Your Kids Rude?

What’s giving me stress is my son, Michael’s cybergymnastics.  He’s unemployed and his wife, Rivka, is pregnant. I went over to help out today and he kept texting while I was talking to him, his thumb jumping around like a cricket. What could he be telling people on Twitter when he’s talking to me? Who cares? It means he’s never really paying attention. Scientists say it takes one minute to get your attention back to the original task after being notified on your Blackberry that you have an email. I wish it had something to do with employment, but I think it’s more about ball scores when it comes to Michael. Where is this all going to lead us? I was less stressed in 1985 when I just had a TV and no VCR. Now i don’t know which device to check first.

4 Responses to “Hysteria in Scottsdale, Roof Rats Invade and Kids”

  1. Angela Damien Says:

    Texting while talking with someone REALLY stresses me out.. I can’t stand it! Either be with me or move on! It really gives new meaning to “poly phasing”.. you know who someone looks around the room at everyone else while you are talking to them… don’t like that either. What could possibly be so important that you have to look at that stupid screen ALL day long… it is an addiction, is there a 12 step program for texting? Maybe you should start one.

  2. Jean Rubin Says:

    I think there are already 12 step programs for computer addicts so texting has to be right behind! Personally, I want to grab it out of their hands and drop it in the toilet! Rude kids!

  3. Jean Rubin Says:

    I don’t see how anyone escapes being in front of their computer! That’s how everyone communicates.

  4. Jean Rubin Says:

    So glad I’m not a boss with all the employees texting, sexting, emailing, tweeting and facebooking!

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