What Are They Doing with Your Credit Card When They Take it in the Back?

This is a news item that my mother will not only remember but embellish for the rest of her life. It’s enough to give a woman terminal stress.  Andrew Paperella, Jr., 36, a former owner of Citrus Cafe, one of the Valley’s posh restaurants with exquisite gourmet food (that means small portions), has been charged with identity theft, credit card theft and fraudulent schemes. He’s been on spending sprees buying expensive golf equipment and the latest electronics (it helps if a crook has good taste)  to sell on eBay. Where did he get these credit cards? From the patrons of his restaurant, of course. He is my mother’s monster in civilian clothing. If she sees this article this is what I’ll be facing:

“Jean, I saw the waiter give me a fish eye and I know he memorized my card number in the back. Why do they have to disappear? Why can’t he use one of those little machines that they bring to the table like they do in Europe?” There’s no point in explaining to her that we’re not in Italy or France. Or, “Jean, Selma Goldstein had her identity stolen and they bought computers with her Amex card. They must need them for pornography.” “Mom. how do you know that?” “Because people who steal are seedy.” There are very few arguments with a woman who’s always right. If your mother gives you stress then you might get palpitations too.

What We Find Funny

Yes, we’re a frivolous society when it comes to law suits, but have we lost our sense of humor too? North Face Apparel, a technologically advanced company that prides itself on innovation (that means they use microfibers and unnatural fabrics) is suing a small St. Louis company. Why? Because the teenager who started a parody product line called South Butt has offended them. How? By putting out products with tags that say “Never Stop Relaxing” that make fun of North Face’s line, “Never Stop Exploring.” I can’t make this up.

Imagine the stressful situation along with your new erupting zits when you realize you have satirized a big company and they’re suing you. That could get you grounded for a really long time.  It might even give you more pimples which can lead to pubescent stress…a whole other category!

One Response to “Scandal for Paranoids and It’s a Joke”

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