False Prophets for the New Year

In case you’re searching for a new cult to join, have I got a deal for you! In Tubac, Arizona The Divine Administration houses a hundred souls who follow a man named Gabriel of Urantia and believe he can save them from the upcoming apocalypse. Have we heard this scenario before?  Not only do they have the appropriate mixture of native American religion and Buddhism, they’ve also added environmentalism! What an opportunity for the green movement to embrace! A man who calls himself a “planetary prince” will reign after a catastrophe. And how does he know this? Paladin the Finaliter told him. And he knows because he’s in charge of 3,000 spaceships. I cannot make this up!

Now that the planetary headquarters are no longer in Sedona we will start to see some real action from Gabriel who claims to have been Peter the Apostle, Alexander the Great (of course), an African warrior slave, an Apache chief (there has to be the Indian element), Martin Luther and George Washington. And if that hasn’t got you ready to sign up and follow this guy, here’s the kicker: They’re running an organic farm, a hospice program (you are required to turn over all your money and possessions to be part of this), a film studio (who’s starring? You guessed it!), a magazine, eco-construction, a “soulistic” medical institute and psychological counseling. On the latter, who’s helping whom?

If you feel inclined to give away all your possessions because you’re so stressed from daily living then I suggest you take Glee’s advice: Loose and let go. Take a yoga class. Then have a martini.

Places to be Seen in Scottsdale

It takes so long to get the Christmas trees up that no one wants to take them down until right before Valentine’s Day. The environmentalists  have a lot to say about cutting down trees but we won’t get into that right now. If you haven’t been on the Scottsdale scene for awhile, check out the Pussycat Lounge on Saddlebag Trail for an upside-down tree and Santa outfits that can cause me to go into my “Women as Sexual Objects” lecture. If that’s not your style show up at AZ88 on Scottsdale Mall to view a playful nod to the recession–a huge tree covered in at least 3,000 dollar bills! Who says things have gotten too commercial? And, finally, don’t miss Saddle Ranch Chop House on Scottsdale Road. There’s a nasty Grinch over the bar with a hanging rope displaying items he’s stolen.

And, let’s stop picking on Santa and his unhealthy lifestyle. He’s not real, folks.

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