Cougars and Cubs

I know my friends missed me because I had lots of phone messages and emails asking about my stress levels. That’s what vacations are for. They’re supposed to alleviate stress. But I’ll come to that in a minute. First, as we passed through Miami the big news was about Carnival Cruise Lines canceling their Cougar Cruises.  Now I know some of you are devastated by this news. It seems that a rowdy bunch got too frisky with the cubs, including the staff! No one was safe from these women. A few of Glee’s friends are really scary with their extra long French-manicured nails, heavy perfume and thigh high boots. There should be a rule that if you’re over fifty you’re not allowed to dress like a vampy twenty-year-old. But, let’s face it. there aren’t enough pre-geriatric men to go around. Let me be clear: There’s nothing wrong with a man that’s 10, 15, okay maybe 20 years your junior. Women are just doing what men have done for years. But what got into the President of Northern Ireland’s wife who had an affair with a 19-year-old four decades younger and gave him $80,000 in government money? Okay, check it out: she’s cute and he’s sort-of hot, but risk everything for a kid with pimples? Time for an ego alignment!

Traveling with Toilet Paper

So where does a husband with leftist leanings take his wife when he decides he wants a vacation? To Cuba, of course! And what’s in Cuba? We didn’t know because our country has had sanctions against them for more than fifty years. Maury thought he should check in on a country that has more doctors per capita than any other country in the world. So I tagged along to learn why we shouldn’t trade, speak or know about these dangerous people. Little did I know I wouldn’t see a toilet seat or a roll of toilet paper for a week. That can give a woman who’s a member of the TWB Club (Teeny Weeny Bladder Club) a lot of stress.

We visited hospitals, clinics and schools. It was very interesting, especially since I was able to visit writers and artists. We had a translator with us named Jesus, which in a country of strict separation of church and state led to endless jokes about weather requests. We even took the requisite salsa lesson and made fools of ourselves. The Cuban people are warm, beautiful, friendly and they have liquid bodies. The women are also all born with cleavage.

My conclusion is that I am glad to be home. I loved learning about the Afro-Cuban culture. I appreciated the people I met, but I missed my silly friends and I’m relieved I don’t have to take a supply of toilet paper with me everywhere.

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