Sleaze and Sail

7:00 am

What to do with extra money

Although Glee says he’s not cute enough for her, I know some of Scottsdale Babes are considering a girl’s road trip to visit ‘Markus’, the nation’s first gigolo. (Are they stress-free?) Ensconced in Nevada this 25-year-old former Marine and college dropout who describes himself as well read (there had better not be any James Patterson novels on his list!), won this top position at the Shady Lady Ranch from ten potential candidates.

Unfortunately, ‘Markus’ (not his real name-surprise!) has been muzzled from giving interviews since he was quoted in a national magazine saying his “role in the sex business was the same as Rosa Parks refusing to give up her seat.”

His qualifications will bowl you over. He went from Alabama to Los Angeles for a gig in the porn industry and flunked out after two scenes. Too big? Too small? Too hard? Too soft? How do you lose a porno job? So after a stint in a homeless shelter in Santa Monica ‘Markus’ made his way to the Shady Lady. (You must check this website for a history of the business.

How do you audition for this position? Is there a casting couch counterpart? And, of course I hear my mother’s admonishment in the background, “Jean, you know your father and I taught you to get three estimates anytime you make a purchase.”

A separate cottage built especially for this purpose was constructed on the property because men don’t want to know a ‘prostidude’ is getting action on the other side of the wall. In case you decide you have to meet this specimen of masculinity, you’ll be in a roomy studio with a wooden bathtub and a toilet with armrests. Armrests! The latter is in case a senior citizen decides to spend $300 for an hour of Markus’ services. I don’t think its covered by Medicare.

A Serious Investment on the High Seas

So now that the Carnival Cruise lines Cougar Cruise has been shut down because those wild women wreaked havoc with busboys and waiters there’s another option. A 1.1 billion dollar ship is being launched and you can purchase a cabin! Why not visit the Cannes Film festival from your floating cabin or take in Rio de Janeiro’s Carnival? At the very least we should all see the Sydney fireworks on New Year’s Eve. Utopia’s 971-foot cruiser will take you there.

So what do you get for a $26 million four bedroom cabin? The same amenities you buy with a Scottsdale condo–hardwood floors, marble countertops, recessed lighting and a walk-in closet. What will you do while the ship sails for months to the next port? Swim in one of the three pools, play tennis or miniature golf, attend movies at an outdoor theater, shop and watch the lazy river that meanders all around the deck. Sort of like Club Med but way more expensive.

My concern would be what if I didn’t like my neighbors. There’s no escaping!

At my biannual haircut this week I heard a Scottsdalian woman who has divorced well (several times) say, “I’d definitely consider the two bedroom for $3.7 million. There’s got to be a single guy on board somewhere.”

6 Responses to “Sleaze and Sail”

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  2. Jean Rubin Says:

    Sent you an email. Stress is real…even if I do laugh about it. It’s the cause of a lot of diseases.

  3. Cynthia Zona Libre Says:

    Kudos from one braniac to another. 🙂

  4. Jean Rubin Says:

    I love smart women!

  5. Colleen Gold Says:

    Awesome view and i should totally agree with the author on this post here. Its interesting, that is what i can say concerning this post. Because this is what the whole crazy life is about right? Keep on doing a great job!

  6. Jean Rubin Says:

    What can I say? Jean has such a sardonic view of the world. And she has a lot of stress! i think everyone needs to lighten up! Unless of course they take themselves very seriously.

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