Billionaires and Snails

7:00 am

Arizona Has It All

Out of the thousand-plus billionaires listed on the Forbes list we have FIVE in Arizona! How exciting! Not that they know who I am and why I’m stressed. They include  a soup heir, a founder of a university who wants to clone his dog, his son who’s probably upset his father doesn’t want to clone him, a guy who owns a baseball team and another one who makes tires. Lots of them. They’re all set for life. And they don’t have my mother reminding them, “Jean, you were born good-looking not rich. So get your hair done and fix yourself up a little. It doesn’t take much to put some style together. You can borrow anything in my closet.”

The thought of wearing polyester pants with elastic waistbands and 70s gold go-go boots is enough to make me go shopping! Which gives me stress.

So if you’re a billionaire do you stress about small stuff or is everything delegated? Or do you schlump around your house in old slippers and a ratty bathrobe like everyone else? But wait! You have servants! Are they watching you? Do you walk the dog yourself or have someone do it for you? How do billionaires live? Do they take their lifestyle for granted? If you’re a billionaire please write to me right away! I have some great ideas of what you can do with a million or two.

Snails for Dinner

Now on the bizarre news front I have to skip the story about the two women arrested in separate incidents–one for shaving inappropriately while driving and the other for having $26,000 in her brassiere when she was arrested for fraud–to write about my original home state, Florida. We do not have a bonanza on nutty people in Arizona. A few are blossoming in other places. Especially the South.

Devotees of a Miami man who practices an obscure African religion, so obscure, in fact, that no one else knows about it except him, had to drink the mucus of a giant African snail. I cannot make this up. Not only did they ingest this disgusting mixture of an animal prohibited in the United States without special permission because the ten-inch creature destroys ecosystems by eating over 500 different plants as well as plaster and stucco, but everyone who participated in drinking this delicious elixir of spiritual proportions got sick. It wasn’t even Kool-Aid that looks pretty and tastes sweet.

Now I have great respect for all religions, especially the Yoruba one this man based his El Africano faith on, but asking your followers to do weird stuff, which includes the activity described above, means you’ve stepped over the line. Even though his “healing” ceremony caused people to be violently ill he is only being charged with bringing in the snails illegally. Does this mean escargot, a French favorite, is a religious experience now? I’m so stressed!

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