Elite Golf for Rich White Men

I am a big golf fan because it gets my Maury out of the house two days a week. He also watches all tournaments on TV which takes up hours of his time when he could be assisting me with cleaning out the garage, replacing sprinkler heads and re-potting a few plants. And can I mention something high on my priority list and low on his that’s giving me stress in Scottsdale ? Cleaning off the top of his dresser in our bedroom which leaves no clear space because it is filled with golf tees, undershirts, keys, crumpled receipts, used golf balls, baseball caps, sunscreen, golf score cards, loose change, energy bar wrappers, old golf gloves and a stethoscope.

So in that fan-based vein I read with interest about Patricia Alston who is suing 110-year-old Phoenix Country Club to get her approximately $40,000 in dues returned, because after belonging for five years to Arizona’s oldest and most exclusive club, she found out the member tournaments were for men only. Uh-oh!

In order to get rid of such progesterone-enhanced players (she brought three friends with her) she began to receive anonymous threatening and insulting emails. Don’t you just love the welcoming, inclusive, generous attitude of wealthy magnanimous people? Alston did what any smart, savvy woman would do. She hired a computer expert to find out who was harassing her and learned it was a member of the board of directors. Classy, huh?

In order to resolve such ridiculous discrimination in 2010 she offered to settle by having her money returned. But the rich white guys refused; hence, a law suit. With the general manager of the club declining to comment,  I have to use  a quote from Alston’s attorney, Jack Klausner, “You’re just a member of a private club, and you have no rights.”

Maybe I’ll send Glee over there in one of her crazy jewelery/gypsy/designer golf outfits to join and see what they say.

Vultures Are Circling

And I’m not talking about any cougar-like women at a major golf event or spring training in Scottsdale. Turkey vultures are really smart birds. How do I know this? Because they leave central Arizona and winter in Mexico where its warm and balmy.  When our frosts have ended they take up residence in one of my favorite places, Boyce Thompson Arboretum near Superior, roosting in eucalyptus trees and volcanic cliffs in a “horaltic pose.”  That means they spread their wings for warmth, drying and baking off bacteria. (I’ve tried that with my arm pits but it doesn’t seem to work.)  After a brief appearance they show off their six-foot wing span and search for the delicacies a hungry bird likes: roadkill. Mmmm! Carrion for lunch!

But my favorite part about turkey vultures is that they repel any threat using the same technique as my baby grandson: they vomit.  And it’s not projectile vomiting either like llamas.  They cough up a lump of semi-digested foul-smelling meat and get close to their opposition to share it. They also urinate on their legs but that’s another story and fascinating nature fact. Probably relieves a lot of stress especially around tax time.

Think about it. If only Patricia Alston had been able to use a turkey vulture defense and vomit all over those rich mens’ golf shoes, they probably would have given her wide berth to play golf where and when she wanted. Saves tons of legal fees.



4 Responses to “Golf Discrimination and Turkey Vultures”

  1. lgh Says:

    You write, “If only Patricia Alston had been able to use a turkey vulture defense and vomit all over those rich mens’ golf shoes, they probably would have given her wide berth to play golf where and when she wanted.”

    Turkey vulture defense, hmm? I wish I had thought about that tactic — time saving and therapeutic, and the dinosaurs at our club might have thought twice!

  2. Brady Harthorne Says:

    I loved the competition yesterday. Tiger even now ended inside the top 5 after not playing for 5 months so I believe he will come back.

  3. Shad Swiech Says:

    This is a little off topic, which I apologize for, but would you and your readers mind voicing your opinion about the recent oil disaster, you’re opinion seriously helps and I can’t thank you enough for taking a few seconds to give it. I left the URL in the appropriate field, thank you!

  4. Jean Rubin Says:

    As a stressed out multitasking maven I am overwrought by the oil disaster in the gulf. It adds to my stress. Maury, on the other hand, watches replays on CNN of them trying to stop it, weeps with the fishermen and has started a letter writing campaign to recall every congressman who voted for oil subsidies. My mother calls me daily because she bored with the crisis and wants to know when Wolf Blitzer will find a new situation for his “Situation Room.” That’s how the Rubin household is handling disasters at the moment.

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