Vampires Make Money

People make their fortunes in such interesting ways. Some build empires with food products like the Goldwaters, others have huge personalities like Oprah, and some write about sucking blood. Personally, I’m over vampires since Anne Rice took me on a scary journey years ago. I mean, how much money can you make from getting teenagers to buy into a vampire phenomenon that includes more than black fingernails and elongated teeth? Besides the books, there’s movies, TV shows, clothes. Yes, I’m talking about Stephanie Meyer, a Gilbert housewife with three kids who likes scrap booking and the industry her imagination of pale, creepy faces has wrought.

It’s even a new genre: “suspense romance horror comedy.”

The scoop is her new home is a 8,770-square-foot $4,425,000 mansion in Scottsdale on the Desert Mountain-Chiricahua Golf Course. Paid for with cash. But that’s not all.  They still own the $7.2 million dollar new home on five acres they bought last year on the other side of Desert Mountain. Maybe they run across the golf courses late at night between their two houses and count bedrooms where creepy people go berserk for blood. I don’t know. Personally, watching Maury waking up in the morning is as frightened as I want to get.

However, I think if that’s all they’ve spent on dwellings, they’re on a tight budget…considering she makes more than $50 million a year with over 100 million copies in distribution around the world!

Of course Glee has met the author at a dinner party. She says she’s very down-to-earth and just wants to stay in her dark room, making up more stories about neck-biting, hot abstinent-prone teens and scary transformations.

Why didn’t I think of that?

DNA Tells the Tail

Glee has adjusted to high-rise condo life since her divorce. She’s dropped Rob, the young and shallow stud, for a professor! A hot science instructor with patents!

Cougars are so over,” she told me. “I like older men now.”

“But this guy isn’t older. he’s your age,” I stammered.

“Well, he doesn’t know that!”

So when Glee’s new cock-a-poo was accused unjustly of leaving her personal calling card in the elevator among other inappropriate places, Dr. Doody came to the rescue!

After numerous notices and threats from the Home Owner’s Association, the suggestion was made to check the dogs’ DNA in the building. With an assessment, of course. HOAs love assessments.

The idea is not original. In Baltimore every dog and guest who visits Scarlett Place is swabbed for a DNA sample. The owners pay $50 for this privilege. There’s an added $10 per pooch to cover the expense of having staff scoop the poop and send it to be analyzed.

If it’s your dog, you’re out $500! That’s expensive s***!

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