Holiday Mania and More…

7:00 am

Need More Stress?

As if we all aren’t busy enough and multi-tasking to complete our holiday schedules without participating in Black Friday, a few things have happened to create another level of anxiety.

1. Maury lost his keys again and although we have searched through every article of clothing in his closet with pockets for ten days, they have not shown up. He THINKS he threw them away because he usually has lots of important items in his hands from Home Depot when he comes in from the garage. Should I change all of the locks on the house? Do we really need anything from the file cabinet we can no longer access? Is it that important to have only one car key?

2. Glee is insistent that she wants to help me wrap the 32 Chanukah presents for the grandchildren. Eight nights. Four kids. I did the math. Never mind that some of the presents are as exciting as one pair of cotton underpants (Why didn’t I get the days of the week ones? That way one package would have taken care of seven nights!) or a pencil from the museum store. Glee says we have to set an example by going green as we wrap everything.

“What does that entail?”

“You need plain brown wrapping paper or grocery bags without logos, raffia instead of cloth ribbons, fresh organic herbs and pine cones.”

“I don’t have any pine cones. I’d have to drive almost three hours to get them from Flagstaff.”

“Start driving. Everything has to be natural and non-commercial.”

3. A woman from the A&E reality TV show “Hoarders” brought home a pregnant rat. The Humane Society in San Jose has rescued 1,000 of them to put up for adoption. One creepy plague-carrying, citrus-eating rodent makes me apoplectic. One thousand? I’d need a strait-jacket. But worse, who do they think is going to adopt rats? “Oh honey, I got you such a great pet for Christmas! It eats everything and multiplies quickly.” Do I need to mention the neighbors turned them in because “the pets” were actually eating the house?

4. April is only buying designer water with names like Lelu, Vidago and Tasmanian Rain. She is convinced that a new brand made from 12,000 year old snow is the answer to longevity, long before our atmosphere was filled with impurities.

“Jean, it’s the fountain of youth. Steve got me Bling H2O from Tennessee spring water. It’s only $50 for a Swarovoski crystal-encrusted bottle! And that’s not as good as the new iceberg stuff. Glace is the purest of the pure. It’s the French word for ‘ice’.”

“April dearest, I know you mean well, but that’s all hype. Water is water. Don’t buy into the latest trend.”

When I told Maury about the entrepreneur investing $4.5 million to make bottles of water he shook his head and said, “People in Scottsdale will buy anything.”

5. My mother has a boyfriend.

5 Responses to “Holiday Mania and More…”

  1. Beth Says:

    I live in Scottsdale and it’s quite true, we will buy the best water. I found “the best sparkling water” (from Wales of all places) at one of our restaurants called ‘Caliente’ and now buy it from them…on the side!

    Enjoyed reading your blog….will be back!

  2. Jean Rubin Says:

    Beth, after roof rats, rats as pets and more lost keys, my only solace is designer water!

  3. Linda Denham Gilreath Says:

    Stress analization can be an eye opener to how silly we have become. Black Friday, sounds like a funeral home open house; driving 40 miles to get green wrapping is not green unless you ride your bike or hike; heck buy the weekday panties and you use them for seven of the gift wraps. Bottled water, how much energy and non biodegradable resources are used for each bottle much less the fuel used in transporting it from Lord knows where. I am trying to find an old moonshine still to cook me up some water with a kick. Georgia is sounding better and better. Plus I have the last of my tomatoes ripening in my kitchen window.

  4. Jean Rubin Says:

    Darlin’, we have a whole family tree of Georgians and I’ve found them to be quite smart and resourceful. A no-nonsense group if there was one. Billy Bob and his 4 cousins with derivatives of the same name wouldn’t touch anything that looked as clear as designer water. I say crank up the still!

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