I do not pay a lot of attention to fashion trends. Between my Stressed in Scottsdale life and a lack of style sense, I get dressed every day with abandon. At least I did until Glee and April called me on a conference call and told me that my wardrobe needed updating.
“Look, if you think I’m going to start running around in leggings with these chubby thighs, you’ve got another thing coming. I think it’s important to act my age.”
“Jean,” says Glee in her best authoritarian voice, “you just need to be more contemporary. It doesn’t have to be style as much as color.”
“Does that mean I can’t wear khaki and brown anymore?”
“Well, it does make you look a little militaristic,” adds April in her throaty voice.
“Okay, you two. What’s up? Don’t tell me. Eggplant is the new hue and I’m supposed to wear it so I look like one.”
“No, no, no. There’s a new color that’s a combination of orange, red and pink and it will look marvelous with your skin tone,” says Glee. “The sales woman in Neiman’s told me it’s the most captivating, stimulating, viscerally alive color in the spectrum.”
“Glee, she was just trying to get you to buy something. Remember you said you were going to stop shopping for a while?”
“Jean, it’s a strong, positive, affirmative color that will change your attitude!”
“And,” April pipes in, “it’s the most important color for spring. They’re going to be using it for clothes, candles and upholstery.”
“Wait. You want me to dress up as a chair?”
“We’re not saying you should wear it all the time. Just add a few pieces to your wardrobe and drop the leopard spots.”
“I only have one animal print scarf,” I say, a little hurt. Maybe I should pay more attention to what I wear. “Okay. What’s it called?”
“Honeysuckle. It’ll remind you of the sweet nostalgic fragrances of the nectar hummingbirds buzz around,” says Glee.
“Are you kidding me? You want me to wear yellow? I’ll look sick.”
“It’s not yellow. It’s reddish pink with an undertone of orange,” says Glee.
“April adds, “It can be worn Scottsdale casual or formal. Just don’t pair it with black. White only.”
“Thank you, ladies. I appreciate the wonderful advice. Just look for a hibiscus pumpkin in the aisles at Trader Joe’s.”