Why My Mother Might March

6:42 pm

Why can’t politicians keep their business zipped up? Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi has scandalized his nation by carrying on with a seventeen year old belly dancer. Please understand that these things happen all over the world including Scottsdale, but finally the women of Italy are fed up. Hallelujah!

All it takes is a little bit of power and money and celebrity politicians in silk suits think they can get whatever they want. Before you know it we’ll have Charlie Sheen or Jesse James as a head of state.

How did the conversation start between those two? “Buona notte, I’m Silvio. I run a country in my free time. Can I buy you a drink?”

Ridiculous. I love how all the news articles state that she earns money through spurious activities. Does it really make a difference what her profession is since she is obviously underage?

Finally, the women have had enough! Millions of grandmothers, mothers, and daughters are marching in the streets of Rome for Berlusconi to resign.  Oh, how I would have love to be there, even if it meant I had to go with my mother, who, by the way, has a lot to say on this topic.

“Jean, I want to go to Italy.”

“Mom, today? I thought your bunions were bothering you. We have a four o’clock appointment with your podiatrist. Maury’s having a Green Party meeting here tonight to discuss the bypasses built for bighorn sheep and Lara’s decided to have a chemical peel and needs me to pick her up from the aesthetician. She says she’s a strange shade of brown.”

“I don’t care. I want to go to Italy.”

“What for? We can get you a good pizza at Grimaldi’s.”

“Jean, I’ve had it. Men have been taking advantage of women for centuries. It’s time we stood up, put a stop to it and started marching. It’s disgusting he’s had so many affairs, especially with someone so young.”

“But, Mom, Berlusconi isn’t our President and your bunions would start to bleed after a block.”

“I’ll wear my support stockings and sensible shoes.”

I can only imagine the all day flight to Italy.

“Mom, why are you dressed like you’re going to a funeral?”

“Because that’s what Italian women do. They dress in black for the rest of their lives after they become widows.”

“But Dad passed away a few years ago. You haven’t worn all black since then.”

“I want to show my solidarity with all the women who have ever been cheated on by a conniving man.”

“But Dad was loyal and faithful to you for fifty years.”

“That’s true, but how do I know what he’s doing now?”

Mom, he’s in heaven with angels who don’t screw around. Besides, don’t you think the black lace mantilla is a bit much?”

Anyway, if men in their seventies want very young girlfriends they should understand they can go to jail for that. And, my mother wants to give them a piece of her mind.

To purchase any of the Jean Rubin Satire please visit

Leave a Reply