Jean Rubin the Hoarder?

9:58 am

This past week I have finally made some time to do some spring cleaning to relieve some of my stress. Between rearranging furniture and finding random chew toys that Amber leaves around the house (you wouldn’t believe some of the places I have found a squeaky toy) I happened to notice I have a lot of magazines and catalogs.

Magazines and catalogs are stashed next to the sofa in the family room, piled up on the desk in the kitchen and, I’m sorry to admit, overflowing in the bathroom magazine rack. Only men do the latter. I don’t know any women who have much time to spend in that room. Once, Michael was in there so long a golf ball came through the window shattering glass all around him. He was only ten and came running down the hall with his pants around his ankles screaming about an invasion.

I don’t even read all of them. I love The New Yorker and Vanity Fair but they’re both so ponderous and intellectually weighty I don’t have time for them. Only the postal person is impressed we receive them. I save them all because some day, somehow I’ll go on a vacation where nothing buzzes or rings and I’ll take the stack with me. But until then I keep looking at the covers with longing.

I just can’t throw a magazine out unless I have looked through it, including all the ones that interest Maury–golf, archeology, history, home improvement and more golf. Why would I need to know about fish supplies? I don’t even own an aquarium! I definitely won’t need to shop for power tools anytime soon.

I also found coupons that are years old. I guess I figured I would use them eventually but never did. Who needs that many coupons? Don’t these companies know they are harming the environment by wasting all this paper?

April was telling me about people who never get rid of anything and live in complete clutter, hoarders. It’s a serious problem.

“Jean, you’re in danger of becoming a television show. I saw one episode of “Hoarders” and the woman couldn’t walk in the living room. It was filled with laundry baskets of clothes, cereal boxes and paper towel rolls.”

“April, I may not be the neatest person around but I’m not a hoarder…yet. But my mother might fall into that category.”

“Start cleaning out. You’re in danger. Just save Sky Mall. They have really good stuff.”

“No! Maury orders electronics from there we don’t need. That’s the first thing I have to throw out. Right now!”

She recommended that I should watch a show on TLC, Hoarders: Buried Alive. After one episode I decided I need to recycle all of my useless catalogs. I’m stressed by all the magazines and catalogs and I’m too stressed to throw them out!

5 Responses to “Jean Rubin the Hoarder?”

  1. Isabelle Gregson Says:

    Dear Jean, don’t worry, I totally understand. I too am a hoarder, but only on the Eurostar. I know – it’s weird. In my house we read the Economist and nothing else. But on the Eurostar, for 2 1/4 hours each way, I just gorge on every beauty magazine that they have. Both in French and in English, and sometimes even the Dutch ones even though I don’t understand Dutch. I also grab all the cheap tabloids (their crosswords and sudoku are easier) and any design mag for good measure. I feel like I may be some accidental cross between a hoarder and a train spotter. Should I be worried?

  2. Jean Rubin Says:

    Isabelle, you are very clever. I’ve never thought of reading beauty tips in Dutch! You should not worry about anything! My mother says it causes wrinkles and she is the best-preserved woman at Friendly Arms, a true testament to how aggravating other people can make you feel better!

  3. cathy Says:

    Not sure how the link to this post arrived in my SheWrites in-box but I’m thankful it did and thankful for the giggle!

  4. Jean Rubin Says:

    If we don’t laugh we’ll just shrivel up like prunes! Laughter keeps us pumped!! Thanks!

  5. Premiere Reviews Says:

    I have a huge problem with magazines and catalogs. Sometimes I just heave them in the trash without reading any of them. I’ve finally stopped subscribing.

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