So say you’re really pissed at your former boyfriend and you want to get back at him. And say you’re gorgeous and hold the title of Miss Desert Sun and Miss Pima County. And what if you’re smart enough to get into law school at the University of Arizona and get a cool job clerking for a judge? Never mind world peace and opposite marriage. Kumari Fulbright is a felonious beauty queen who pled guilty to five counts. That’s enough to give any mother a heart attack! Bet that messed up her career.

A photo of Kumari in a bikini and holding a machine gun is in sharp contrast to her booking photo. It’s one you must check out out on the link. If my hair looked that bad I’d be in a cute hat. Girl, if you’re reading this in your striped pajamas, you need a major make over! That’s the worst booking photo I’ve ever seen! As a feminist I’d have to say it’s punishment for objectifying women by entering the contests, but on the other hand, my mother would point out that she probably only entered for the scholarship money. “Honey, if I thought you were good looking enough to strut down a runway in a bathing suit, I would have encouraged you, too.” Thanks, Mom.

Let’s Narrow the Competition

How many contestants could there be for a Miss Indian Transgender beauty contest? Apparently only three. If the competition’s small then everyone goes home with a prize: Miss Congeniality, Best Talent (lip synching never goes out of style in a pageant) and the overall Winner. Ricki Quintero, a contestant in this year’s exciting competition, decided to become a female during college. With two competition dresses and enough big hair to croon a country western tune, “she” is a favorite in this year’s challenge at the Cruisin’ 7th Cocktail. My friend April, who spends days getting ready for charity balls, would be so interested in the descriptions of her two gowns: white with turquoise embroidery and the other in a sunny yellow. But what about the shoes?

Rat Risotto

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